1. Got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.

    Not her main present, it's just a stocking filler.

2. Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
    A: A Christmas Quacker!

3. Q: What's the most popular Christmas wine?
    A: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

4. Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
    A: Tinsilitis!

5. Q: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
    A: He's a fungi to be with.

6. Q: What is Santa's favorite pizza?
    A: One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

7. Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
    A: Santapplause!

8. Q: Why does Santa like to work in the garden?
    A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

9. Patient: Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Santa
    Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

10. Q: Why was Santa Claus’ helper so down?
      A: Because he had low elf-esteem.