1. Go easy on the turkey. Turkey is wonderful and
amazing, but it makes you sleepy as hell. That’s because it contains an
enzyme called tryprtophan which makes you tired. If you plan to stay
awake for the loving portion of the evening, which comes after the
eating too much portion of the evening, keep your turkey portions in
check.

2. Use dessert as a motivator. If you’re smart,
you’ll sneak in a quickie in that downtime between dinner and dessert.
It’s perfect, because you’re not going to fall asleep before the pecan
pie a la mode is served, but you also don’t have anything else to do
besides watch “A Christmas Story” again with your cousins.
Alternatively, you can enjoy your dessert in the bedroom, using your
partner’s body as a plate or something fun like that.

3. Moderate your booze intake. Family dinners drive us to drink. If after dinner sex is what you desire, you’re going to have to stay sober-ish. Sowwwy.

4. Doggie style is absolutely out of the question. Think
about it. That’s the position you get in when you’re about to hurl. If
you’ve just eaten three pounds of stuffing and two pounds of mashed
potatoes, you don’t want to put your body in a vomit-friendly position
while having your intestinal area pounded. Try woman on top or both on
your sides, so you can lay down. Whatever position you attempt, GO SLOW.
Sudden thrusting against your abdominal cavity is not going to feel
friendly.

5. Skip the intercourse altogether. You don’t need
to have intercourse to have fun sex. Take turns using your mouth or
fingers or sex toys if your mouth is too tired from chewing or your
hands too exhausted from cutting meat.

6. Keep a glass of ginger ale by the bed. And in the
event that you do find yourself feeling ill during your post-dinner sex
session, keep ginger ale or Pepto-Bismol right by the bed so you don’t
have to roll your full ass out of the bedroom for any reason whatsoever.

7. Camouflage your food baby. Maybe you’re the “food
baby and proud” type. If so, that is lovely. Work it. If you’re
protruding belly is making you feel like an unsexy sloth, feel free to
keep your T-shirt on, or the lights off.

8. Be prepared to laugh. Look, the truth is that if
you attempt to have sex after a huge meal, you’ll probably have gas. Or
burp. Or vomit. Things might get messy. You might be too tired to bring
it home. But ain’t no thing. Sex should be fun. So, if you go into
post-Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner sex with low expectations and a
sense of humor, you’ll have a much better time.